• Mindy Tsai
    I am stuck. My writing for the second memoir is messy, incoherent, and fragmented. I am still searching for that solid backbone that would run through the book on Being Single. “I am very happy living my life as a single! And what’s what I want to talk about.” I said to Wendy while we were hiking. “Why then are you dating?” Wendy asked. “I am open to meeting someone great!” I didn’t skip a
  • Mindy Tsai
    Since the last time I danced salsa on Monday March 9th, so much in this world has changed. A week later, the dance studio was closed along with most of Boston. The virus was here! Initially, I tried my best to stay home and only go out for groceries and picking up my medication. During weekends, I was guilty of breaking the social distancing guideline by meeting up with a couple friends for dinners, sleepovers,
  • Mindy Tsai
    A couple of weeks ago, G asked me what was my favor thing in salsa and I said, spins or turns! For me, dancing salsa is about different ways to spin. For G, it’s about how to lead and his arm movements, how to direct and spin a follower. For eight classes, G and I had fun learning about basic salsa steps. We had to remember eight beats of steps one at a time. Our
  • Mindy Tsai
    I remember when my friends were concerned when I said that I thought I saw signals from strangers and my surrounding. My thinking was considered abnormal or imaginary even though I was just observing the world. That was schizophrenic because no one was really giving me signs. I was reading into “them” (things in this world) too much because my brain was broken. Now I am learning how to read real signals from my dance
  • Mindy Tsai
    “I am taking a salsa class. Any interest?” A friend asked. “Nice. That sounds like fun. I have never taken a salsa class before.” I said. “How coordinated are you?” “I have two left feet!” “LOL. Why not. I am in!” This was how I kicked off 2020 by committing to a salsa class for three months. I didn’t grow up with ballet or gymnastic classes. That was not my family. Instead, my most precious
  • Mindy Tsai
    Prior post: Starting a Family As a Single Woman I spent six months or so talking to friends and family. I was comfortable with the idea of being a single mom, but I knew it was a big decision, a life-changing decision that would affect both me and a child for the rest of our lives. So I wanted to learn about being a single mother as much as I could before it happened. I had
  • Mindy Tsai
    This month, I did three interviews. Every single time afterwards, I thought I could be more clear. I want to be as articulate as possible when it comes to talking about schizophrenia. Here is my attempt at re-answering some of the questions I was asked. Dr. Carole Lieberman asked me, “You went to Cornell. How come you could not figure out that you had schizophrenia?” I had been trusting my brain and ears for thirty
  • Mindy Tsai
    Q: How long did you work on Becoming Whole? I worked on Becoming Whole before it was that for at least eight years. I started trying to write in 2004. Technically, the book idea didn’t come until 2012 after I was hospitalized and after I read Glass Castle. But I could say that I wrote about schizophrenia on and off for 16 years. It was always in the back of my mind. Q: Are you
  • Mindy Tsai
    Based on my upbringing, I was taught to always be content with what I had. There are other people less fortunate than I am in so many ways. I have a roof over my head, three meals a day, a good job, and friends and family. I had never imagined myself married with kids, though I had wanted a baby when I was thirty-six which I have now made peace with having without. Wanting a
  • Mindy Tsai
    I started dating because that was what I thought I should do. Isabella and Michael both thought so. “You don’t want to end up alone. Do you?” “You are such a nice person. You can easily meet a good guy! You are such a catch!” To me dating sounded like a good way to meet new friends. When I thought of dating conceptually it was no different than meeting someone new at work. I also
  • Mindy Tsai
    In January 2010, when I turned thirty-six, my biological o’clock hit me finally. Prior to that, I was very content being single for a solid eight years. Friends, work, travel and living life stopped being my only focus. I started thinking about having a family. On my own. To me, meeting a life partner and having a baby could be separated. I didn’t need a husband to have a child. I wanted to take care
  • Mindy Tsai
    Even though the writing journey is done when the memoir was published on May 30, 2019, Becoming Whole the book has taken on a life of its own. Since day one, I heard from many friends and family near and far who all bought and read my book. The support I received is incredible. Not only did they buy and read it, they thought the book is pretty good. The online reviews are great. I
  • Mindy Tsai
    I find myself hesitating when I write about being single, dating, love and relationship. The writing journey has been different from writing about schizophrenia. Most of my friends are married with kids. I know wonderful husbands. Surely, I am the least “successful” nor “qualified” person to speak about dating and relationship. With schizophrenia, I am the only person among my friends who has it, so there was no comparison nearby. I love watching romantic comedies.
  • Mindy Tsai
    At age forty, I started dating seriously for the first time after Chris. I was pretty sure that I had learned my life lessons since I was a twenty-something. I met this guy I really liked up north. I immediately felt into my relationship woman persona even after all these years of being independent. Finding out that he had a busy ER schedule, I went to see him for a few consecutive weekends. Since my
  • Mindy Tsai
    Jane Austen famously wrote: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. What about the single woman? Let’s talk about this single woman: me.  At forty-five, I am single and childless. I can’t decide if I want a man in my life or not. Obviously, I would want a man who is right for me in my life. But we
  • Mindy Tsai
    I kept a diary ever since I could write. I wrote down my private thoughts regardless of any literature merit or storytelling technique. I was the only person who read what I wrote and that suited me just fine! At some point, I started wanting to share what I wrote because I felt that I had something to say. I had a purpose. I spent many hours in front of my laptop typing away my
  • Mindy Tsai
    The first time I took my medication, Zyprexa knocked me out completely and I slept for days. The effect was powerful and immediate. I was very lucky that something worked for me in the first try. I don’t remember the first time I was off my medication. Or the second, the third. They were pretty fuzzy. However, I remember the last time I was off my medication with my psychiatrist’s permission. I was fine for
  • Mindy Tsai
    Why was I so determine to write it for so many years? At the very beginning, I wrote it for myself. It was not unlike what I sometime saw in movies. Because the thoughts were so jumbled up, I made lists. I went through what I remembered repeatedly. Then I shared my notes with my friends because I wanted them to know. This was part of me. One day, after reading another memoir, I thought
  • Mindy Tsai
    What made it all very real for me was seeing the cover of my memoir coming alive. Again, the theme of my life – having amazingly loving friends. My friend and artist Frederikke reached out to me after seeing a cover I created using some third-party tool. Nothing particularly exciting or original! “I can design one for you if you like!” She said. I love her eCards and paintings. I would never pass on such help!
  • Mindy Tsai
    The Aruba vacation came at a perfect time. It was right after I got a text from A that he thought I was too intense. Anyone who knew me well would be as surprised as me. He said, “I don’t think we are a good match.” I felt disappointed but life went on. I hopped on a plane and met my girlfriend in Aruba. My girlfriend and I had decided that it was going to

Comments 3

  1. Anonymous
    May 25, 2020

    Dear Mindy, it was me who always feeling something is missing in my life; either I was the body missing a limb; or I was a limb missing a body. Finding this missing part has been my goal for finding love from another person, either from friends or lover.

    After 10 years of looking inside of myself, I finally realized, the missing part actually existed in my heart; I have a hole in my heart; no matter how hard I was looking and searching from others, the hole remains to be unfulfilled. The only person who can fill that hole is me.

    You definitely don’t belong to my group. Your heart is whole and full of love; that’s why you are ok with or without a man. I congratulate you for being this way, you are not living in contradiction. For whomever will be in your life, he will be a lucky one, because you will give love, not taking it.

    1. Anonymous
      May 25, 2020

      It was me, wendy, who left the first comment.

    2. Mindy Tsai
      May 25, 2020

      Dear Wendy, I hope your heart will find what it’s looking for, whatever you are giving yourself and however you are loving yourself. Our hearts are funny! They have their own “mind!” The hearts want what the hearts want. I still have a lot of learn about love and relationship for sure. Let us be brave and give love!

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