I met N three years ago. We could always chat up a storm no matter when. It did not work out between us but we kept in touch checking in on each other once or twice a year. Right after I quit OkCupid, I texted him to see how he was doing. The text conversation flowed and that made me decide that I would continue online dating again. He reminded me why I dated online in the first place, to find someone I would call mine.
I read the latest reviews on online dating sites and decided to get on Tinder. Comparing to OkCupid, Tinder is easier to use. Its reputation seems to have changed for the better. Change is good. This time, I put in some proper effort into my Tinder profile.
As I reflected on my behavior, I thought, “OMG, I have become a yo-yo online dater.” It was another new profile. I have never been anything yo-yo in my life. As someone who is fairly satisfied with life, I have to admit that I now sometimes have a sense of hope for love. I find myself oscillating between being satisfied with all the love I have from my friends and family and wanting more. I am careful about wants in life since I want to remain happy and content in life. This wanting does not come with an expectation or entitlement. It not about something missing. It’s not loneliness in disguise. As I continue to live my life fully, I am open to new possibilities.
Yes, I am a yo-yo dater! Basically, I want a good man but I don’t want it to be a requirement for a happy life because I can’t predict the future. Obviously, I am totally hedging. I wonder, “am I trading one happiness with another, or am I getting more,” as I march forward with dating. Perhaps, there is a bit of fear of uncertainty and protectiveness of certainty in play here.
With this complicated mindset, I met A who loves to travel, tries to be a good father, and is committed to his career. Well, the dating journey continues.