Contradictions

I am stuck. My writing for the second memoir is messy, incoherent, and fragmented. I am still searching for that solid backbone that would run through the book on Being Single.

“I am very happy living my life as a single! And what’s what I want to talk about.” I said to Wendy while we were hiking.

“Why then are you dating?” Wendy asked.

“I am open to meeting someone great!” I didn’t skip a beat.

“So something is missing in your life then!” She didn’t either.

What made me spend thousands on dating if I were truly happy and didn’t want anything else? Wendy had a good point.

I found a few books written by women on the same topic. In the first one that I am reading, the book is about a woman’s journey to find her true self. She described women before her who brought about her awakening, that she didn’t want to be married. I had never said that before. Nor had I said I want the opposite!

It became apparent to me that what I want to talk about isn’t just about my singleness, which focuses on romantic relationship. I am not saying, girls, don’t get married, it’s hard! I want to say that there are many possible paths in life and any path you take is okay. One is not necessary better than the other. Just live my life the best I can and feel blessed and lucky to be happy!

I read recently that human has the incredible ability to accept and live with two contradictory ideas at the same time. My contradicting life continues. When I date a guy, I am pretty friendly and welcoming. My friend Nina asked me, “Why are you so quick to let him into your amazing life before knowing him really well?” Nina thinks that there is something deeper there. I obviously put effort into it!

I don’t feel like anything is missing in my life. But I listen to my girlfriends when they hold up a mirror in front of me.

I had changed this memoir’s working title from On Being Single, to On Being Alone, to Living Solo. Now I am thinking it might be something completely different from these ideas. It’s about “living life!”

I’ll continue to find my words to see where this journey takes me.

Have a great weekend and be safe, everyone!

Comments 3

  1. Anonymous
    May 25, 2020

    Dear Mindy, it was me who always feeling something is missing in my life; either I was the body missing a limb; or I was a limb missing a body. Finding this missing part has been my goal for finding love from another person, either from friends or lover.

    After 10 years of looking inside of myself, I finally realized, the missing part actually existed in my heart; I have a hole in my heart; no matter how hard I was looking and searching from others, the hole remains to be unfulfilled. The only person who can fill that hole is me.

    You definitely don’t belong to my group. Your heart is whole and full of love; that’s why you are ok with or without a man. I congratulate you for being this way, you are not living in contradiction. For whomever will be in your life, he will be a lucky one, because you will give love, not taking it.

    1. Anonymous
      May 25, 2020

      It was me, wendy, who left the first comment.

    2. Mindy Tsai
      May 25, 2020

      Dear Wendy, I hope your heart will find what it’s looking for, whatever you are giving yourself and however you are loving yourself. Our hearts are funny! They have their own “mind!” The hearts want what the hearts want. I still have a lot of learn about love and relationship for sure. Let us be brave and give love!

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