All posts filed under: Dating bits

Natural Deaths of Initial Encounters

Condition: Initial encounter with Daniel Status: Die of a natural conversation Cause of death: Harry Potter. Notes: With the mention of Harry, our conversation turned sour then silence. Can he have a problem with reading? Really? So unfortunate! Condition: Initial encounter with Josh Status: Die of a natural texting Cause of death: Slow texting about boring topics Notes: He is very cute! High percentage of match-ness. That made texting extended from single digitals to double digital. But death was not avoidable regardless of how good looking he is. Condition: First look at the profile of a Mark Status: Happily married looking for more Cause of death: Speechless Notes: I know these things happen. But it’s still a surprise when I run into couples with different values and needs. Not my cup of tea! Condition: Initial encounter with Stephen Status: Quick natural death Cause of death: Eagerness to meet immediately Notes: I don’t like spend a long time texting someone without meeting. But I expect knowing a few basics before a first date. Can we meet …

Get Online

I knew I did not have any experience with online dating and had limited experience with dating. I was pretty sure that if I was alone I would do something stupid or dangerous, so I created a dating group made up of around thirty five of my close friends, including single and married friends, both husbands and wifes, and friends from different stages of my life. My poor friends. I would write them before and after I had a date about all my ups and downs. Thank goodness for friends. Having them made me felt safe and grounded. My friend recommended OkCupid since she met her husband there. I trusted her taste knowing that I liked the books she read, the restaurants she ate at, the clothing stores she shopped at, and most importantly, the friends she kept and how she cared for her families. Commercials and ads didn’t usually get my attention; however words from friends, priceless. So I signed up and OkCupid became the first dating website that I really used to look …

Why On Dating

I finally feel that I have settled on why I want to write about dating. It has to be something that I want to think about for a couple of years (which is the timeline I am giving myself for this second book.) I don’t claim to be an expert on dating. Actually, quite the opposite, I still have a lot to learn. But I can share what I have learned, my thoughts, and feelings. Most importantly, the amazing support I have and useful advice I received so far. Finally feeling mindful enough to write the opening page. A good snow day! *~*~*~*~* On Dating: First Page *~*~*~*~* What should I do to start dating at the age of forty? At forty, I found myself single and childless. I probably won’t ever have my own biological kids. I let that sinked in a bit. I am okay. I tried. Unlike having tried to get pregnant, I never went out specifically to meet men I did not know to date. I met both of my ex-boyfriends …

Sun, Palm Trees, White Sands, Turquoise Water

The Aruba vacation came at a perfect time. It was right after I got a text from A that he thought I was too intense. Anyone who knew me well would be as surprised as me. He said, “I don’t think we are a good match.” I felt disappointed but life went on. I hopped on a plane and met my girlfriend in Aruba. My girlfriend and I had decided that it was going to be one of those sitting-around-do-nothing vacation. We stayed at a hotel on the beach. In the morning, we took a long walk along the beach and logged at least ten thousand steps. Early afternoon, we hung out in the pool and I got all pink. Late afternoon, we dipped in the ocean, sat on the white sands, tasted the salt water. We ate dinner in front of the sunset. After dinner, we went back to the beach to see the night view of the ocean. It was fabulous. We did exactly what we wanted and did the same thing again …

I am a Yo-Yo Dater

I met N three years ago. We could always chat up a storm no matter when. It did not work out between us but we kept in touch checking in on each other once or twice a year. Right after I quit OkCupid, I texted him to see how he was doing. The text conversation flowed and that made me decide that I would continue online dating again. He reminded me why I dated online in the first place, to find someone I would call mine. I read the latest reviews on online dating sites and decided to get on Tinder. Comparing to OkCupid, Tinder is easier to use. Its reputation seems to have changed for the better. Change is good. This time, I put in some proper effort into my Tinder profile. As I reflected on my behavior, I thought, “OMG, I have become a yo-yo online dater.” It was another new profile. I have never been anything yo-yo in my life. As someone who is fairly satisfied with life, I have to admit …

Hear Myself

I looked at profiles after profiles of eligible men in the Boston area. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. This was something I learned how to do in my early forties. Gone was the awkwardness. Now I looked and swiped. “Who”, I thought, “would work for me?” What was I looking for? What could I tell from the pictures and self summary? Who was being truthful? Who shared my values? Who was kind and cultured? Who did I want to spend a lot of time with and have fun in life? I am not perfect. What do I have to offer? All is well with the endless swiping, except that I have one fear deep down. Would I stop hearing my own voice if I have someone in my life? You may think it’s silly, but it’s a real concern for me. I have learned that I tend to forget about myself when I am with someone. This happened with both of my ex-boyfriends. Looking back at those two relationships, I thought this was my weakness. I lacked …

Tiny Crushes

I remember the first boy I liked. I was maybe six or seven. He was in my first-grade class. Kids were seated based on height. We were of the same height and both sat in the last row in the back of the classroom. I would not be able to say why I liked him. I guess it was just chemistry, or proximity, at school. During recess, the whole class ran out of the classroom. I could always spot him. Once, I saw him, I chased after him around the school yard, passing by the noisy monkeys, beautiful peacocks, and colorful birds. Once I got to him, poor boy for being liked, I hit him which were the only times I hit someone in my life. We both laughed. Then I chased him all over again until the school bell rang for us to go back to the classroom. I never got tired of this in first grade. That was how I showed my affection at an early age.   I can imagine my parent …